Ways to praise your children – it works!

Ignoring bad behaviour and consistently praising good behaviour is one of the most effective and evidence-based approaches to managing children’s actions. Praise encourages positive behaviour and helps children build confidence and a strong sense of self. But here’s the question – do we actually know how to praise our children?

When I first started attending parenting classes, I was told to increase the praise for Will, but honestly, it felt awkward at first. I was unsure of what kind of praise to give, and it didn’t feel natural. In fact, I worried it might come across as insincere praise or even patronising. But the more I used praise, the more natural it became, and the more I saw it working.

Why Praise Matters

Praise helps children develop self-esteem, confidence, and intrinsic motivation. It’s a powerful parenting tool that supports emotional and social development in children and families. When used effectively, praise teaches kids how to recognise their achievements, boosts their morale, and encourages them to keep trying even when tasks are difficult.

Research has shown that praise encourages children to repeat positive behaviour. However, the purpose of praise isn’t just to reward them — it’s to help them learn and feel good about their efforts.

According to the Child Mind Institute, praise is most effective when it is specific and descriptive rather than general.

Using Praise to Encourage Children

Using praise effectively means being mindful of both your words and tone. Children can tell when praise isn’t genuine, so make sure your praise is genuine, specific, and timely.

Praise teaches kids what behaviours you want to see more of. When you praise kids for effort rather than results, you promote resilience and help your child develop a growth mindset.

A great source to explore more about descriptive praise and parenting strategies is Family Lives.

Types of Praise – What Works Best?

There are many types of praise, and each can have a different effect depending on how it’s delivered.

• Descriptive praise tells your child exactly what they did well: “You did a great job putting away your toys without being asked.”
• Process praise recognises effort and strategy: “I noticed how you took your time to solve that puzzle. That was clever thinking.”
• General praise like “Well done” or “Good job” can be encouraging but is less effective unless paired with specifics.
• Comparison praise, such as “You’re the best in your class,” can sometimes backfire by placing pressure on performance and triggering fear of failure.

Non-Verbal Ways to Praise Your Child

Praise doesn’t always have to be verbal. Sometimes, a small gesture can speak volumes.

Try these non-verbal ways to praise:

• A smile or nod of approval
• A wink or thumbs up
• A high or low five
• A sticker or special badge
• A reward such as choosing the next activity or game
• A star or merit chart
• Letting them operate something special, like the remote
• Being chosen to lead or help out with a task
• A certificate like “Best Helper” or “Tidiest Room”
• Being asked to demonstrate something to someone else
• Sitting next to a parent or teacher during an activity
• Helping with a storytime prop

These gestures make them feel seen, appreciated, and proud of their efforts. It’s a way to give your child a sense of competence and recognition.

Verbal Praise That Hits the Mark

Saying something like:

• “I’m so proud of how you handled that.”
• “You should feel really pleased with yourself.”
• “Thank you for doing that so well.”
• “You’re a star!”
• “I had every confidence you could do it.”
• “Tell me how you figured that out — it’s impressive.”

These right words of encouragement help them feel proud, boost their self esteem, and inspire continued effort. Make sure your tone is warm and authentic.

Praising Effort Over Outcome

Praising a child for effort — even when the result isn’t perfect — builds persistence. This kind of praise shows them that the journey matters more than just the destination. When you praise them for things they’ve done with determination, you’re helping your child learn resilience.

Effective praise focuses on:

• What the child has done well
• What the child is doing that is helpful or kind
• Times they’ve pushed through even when it was hard

When we give our children encouragement every day, we’re telling them: I see you, I appreciate you, and you’re growing.

For more on how praise affects learning, see this resource by the Raising Children Network.

Make Sure Your Praise Is Genuine

Children are intuitive — they know when you’re faking it. Praise backfires when it’s used too often or feels forced. Avoid praising everything. Instead, focus on what truly matters and what will help them feel valued.

Over time, you’ll discover the ways to praise that feel right for your child and for you. Whether it’s a big moment or a small step forward, praising their children helps children and families thrive. When done well, praise can also improve positive behaviour and help children build a solid sense of self.

Final Thoughts on Praise

Giving children the right kind of praise isn’t about flattery — it’s about connection, recognition, and helping them grow into confident, capable people. Whether you’re new to parent praise or have been praising a child for years, there’s always room to reflect and improve.

So go ahead — next time your child does something kind, clever, or brave, try praise like “That was thoughtful — you really made me proud.” You’re not just giving praise — you’re helping your child learn and become the best version of themselves.